R U OK? 

Written by Liz Crocombe (Counselling & Chaplaincy Administrator)

Research has shown that when genuine and authentic conversations are happening, people checking in with each other, it makes a positive difference.

There are 4 simple steps:

1. Ask – is there a friend that you’ve noticed doesn’t seem to be doing so well atm? If you’re stuck for words, there are some great suggestions over on www.ruok.org.au. It is worthwhile doing a check first though, are you in a good headspace to be able to ask a question? Do I have time to listen? Am I in a location that is relatively private?

2. Listen – don’t interrupt with solutions or ideas, just listen. You can show that you are listening by asking some more about what your friend says and acknowledging that what they are going through is difficult, or hard, or painful. Don’t be that person that rushes in with advice or problem solving ….that just leads to your friend not feeling heard.

3. Encourage action – here you are asking the person what THEY might want to do about the problem, or what has worked in the past, or in what ways they want support. If your friend has not been feeling ok for more than 2 weeks – check whether they’ve spoken with their GP or other health professional. Perhaps they need help with contacting or finding someone. If the conversation feels like a really big one, contact a professional or connect your friend with resources – again, there are MANY resources listed on the RUOK page.

4. Check In – this is the after care. Put a reminder in your phone or diary to contact your friend at a later date and see how they are doing. RUOK day isn’t only one day of the year! Genuine care and concern makes such a difference.

There are great resources available at RUOk, in particular, their Conversation Guide is full of information to help you on your way with checking on your mates. If you or your friend need the professional assistance of a counsellor, the counsellors at the Ezra Centre are able to help. Ezra means ‘helper’ and the counsellors at Ezra are passionate about assisting people to make significant and lasting changes in their life. Whether you or your friend are struggling with relationship or family problems, or have been affected by trauma, abuse, or mental illness, one of the counsellors at Ezra can help you – they will listen without judgement and walk beside you to find healthy coping mechanisms and solutions.